It is said that one's desire for something must be strong enough for any hope for him to achieve his goal. It is needless to say but I've been so ready for a comeback. In the depth of being depressed, my desire for good health can never be more sincere. But having great desire has not been enough to help me heal from severe symptoms.
Why?
As I seek to effectively heal from depression and stay away from its symptoms, I run into all kinds of advice. I realize besides praying and a lot of wishes, you must have a better understanding of drugs, know something about your own psychology and apply all the good living habits you can, and most importantly, you must have the unstoppable determination.
One night a friend told me her brother called her from out of state to say that he loves her but that he is so sad that he will take his own life "tonight." She begged him not to. She asked him to fly over to California and stay with her for awhile. She told him she loved him very much and would like to be there for him. He refused and maintained that he will take his life. The conversation ended, she called again but he did not answer the phone, the next day she found out the ultimate sad news, that he did take his own life in the night.
When she shared this with us and asked us to give prayers on behalf of her brother, my heart sunk. I am a good hearted friend, but I am a helpless friend. Everyone wishes they could do more to help prevent the regretful incident. We feel the desperation of the one that has passed and the pain that runs through the mourning sister. There is this strong desire in everyone that is involved, a desire for a brighter side of things. A desire for laughter, for smiles and for love that lives on. Such desire is the common ground between all of us.
The problem with desires is that they may consist of wishes and questions. We wish that there is this invisible door that we can open to be in touch the person locked in desperation. We wonder what internal message that convinces someone to dispose of his own future? Just like that. Thinking deeply, we feel that there must be this yearn to be lifted from that mindset. But there is no door. Someone has decided to lock himself in. All accessed denied. We are tied but one thing we know for sure is that if he had disregarded his desperate temptations and stay hopeful till the next daybreak, there will be a change of event. Life will probably feel precious to him again. But apparently, he no longer wants to wait.
The desire to feel happy is universal. Then why have you not set out to find it? Perhaps you know it but won't acknowledge its presence. You feel it yet you won't honor its relevance. And you may have a misconception about what happiness is made of. I too once falsely identify happiness with concrete and grand objects. I once thought that happiness was dependent on me getting those things I rave days and nights, such as being the center of attention, owning someone else's lifestyle, or gaining the affection of an estranged love. The distance between me and those grand ideals drew out a big void in my life. We must come to a realization that there is no such requirement to feel happiness.
In order for you to turn desires into reality, we must first acknowledge the presence of pure happiness, honor it and stop going off track. I had stopped blaming on destiny. Instead, I am looking to build onto it. Whatever destiny has in store for me, I will make it better. And the last thing I would do is to pity myself, not for lack of luck or for anything else. Disappointments, traumas, and sadness that mental conditions that have turned into prolonging melancholy and overwhelming negative emotions. I don't want any past failure to continue to be the controlling factors in my mentality. These mishaps have been the meaty flashbacks that trigger many manic or depressive episodes.
How to start the process of acknowledging and honoring your desire for happiness? For me, it was about being me again. Feeling depressed and staying miserable made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. At such moments, I wondered why life must go on? When there is no joy, you stop living your life. Somehow, I have biologically turned back through the evolutionary events to become a more primitive form of human in which life had minimal need for personal self-identification. I became this faceless and emotional-less creature. Instead, I just focus on fulfilling the basic needs and camouflage to get by. Everyday occurrences happen in exhaustive repetitions. Or maybe I was just a robot with flesh and blood, not knowing what emotion is. It is berserk. But I started out to learn once more what happiness really is. My desire for joy is most palpable at times when there is absolutely none.
You know how important happiness is! Isn't it time to honor that desire? What big of a desire do you have in achieving happiness once more? Today's society jumps to the first thought of happiness. People buy and sell happiness every day, through extra possession and bodily indulgence.
It is absolutely normal to search for happiness. No one has to remain immobilized due to the feeling of lacking happiness. You can go through it beating around the bush, making excuses or boldly honoring your quest to be happier. For once, it is alright to act proud about seeking happiness. But happiness does not have to be bought or sold.
Sometimes ill health fools us into thinking that there is nothing we have the desire for. That our soul is empty and the future is nothing but open space. Having been submerged under mental symptoms and ill health for so long may make you forget all of your desires. But whether in illness or in good health our desires are always there. Deep down, strong desires for a good life cannot be forgotten. I am sure that true desires are real, just like fresh leafs are ready to shoot out of the ground from those strayed seedlings. In fact, the knowledge of your own desires for a much better life is what makes it the more difficult for you to cope with severe depression. You know you deserve a much better life. I do.
Are you ready to pursue this desire through with real actions? A rare chance has led you to this blook, you already have what Alexander called "a definitive purpose." In his book "Think and Grow Rich," Alexander has successfully shown how to build wealth through personal realization. His ideas transform people and change lives. They discard the common myths that money is hard to find and difficult to keep. People are led to believe myths as truths through repeat experiences that make them feel battered. Cruel competition among people makes money seems like a rare commodity. But the folks who follow through the ideas described by Alexander find that money is like pebbles on the beach, you either collect and decide to bring them home, or just toss them out on the water for the fun of it. It is all up to you.
Happiness too cannot just run out. You are not left with an empty barrel called the brain. Likewise, the effect of depression makes us feel as though an ordinary life now belong to other people. Yeah. And all we want is to live happily like everyone else. Having a desire to live a quality life should not be too much to ask.
Slowly I realize that feeling better resides in attaining good health and letting myself going back to the basics a little. Yes, the basics. Basics are often good because they are fundamentals. They hardly fail you. If you are like me, I was fine with the fact that there is no next day shortcut to get out of depression symptoms. All I needed to know was that I will have a chance, just a chance to recover. Despite the hardship, I will try if I could count on some hope someday.
I don't mind if it takes time. By doing nothing, I feel consumed by the ongoing symptoms of depression anyway. That's why trying to recover is not going to be time-consuming at all. I know that each minute that I strive to recover means each minute went by with hope. I am ready. Are you?
